Finding My Intrinsic Motivation

The other day, I was listening to a radio talk show and the host was discussing motivation. She was sharing about a recent study that took children who like to draw and put them in separate rooms. One group was given crayons and paper and told to draw whatever they wanted. Another group was told they would receive a prize for the best drawing. The final group was told that everyone who participated would be given a prize.

The results were astounding. The children who were told they would receive a prize for their drawings we less interested and put less effort into their pictures than did the children who were just allowed to draw. In essence, it means that they did not need promises of stickers or candy to get them to draw. Rather, just getting to do what they like was motivation enough.

Motivation, or my lack of it, has been at the root of my weight gain. It is SO much easier to eat 10 Girl Scout cookies than get my butt in the kitchen and cut some carrots. Or, heaven forbid I open the package of pre-cut mini carrots. It was easier to go to Jack in the Box for breakfast than to eat a bowl of cereal at home. Maybe my gains would not have been so bad if I had been exercising. Again, sitting on the couch is so much easier than putting on tennis shoes. Watching CSI is much easier than scheduling time to walk.

I just haven't been able to motivate myself to do the things I KNOW how to do. What is that all about? I know what to eat. I know when to eat it. I know what I need to avoid. I know that I need to move more and eat less. Yet, I stop myself every time.

It's almost like I would rather stay fat.

Wait, let me absorb that for a moment. That's pretty big.

Why would I possibly want to stay fat? What is it about being fat that is preferable to being healthy? Am I hiding?

Let's leave that tangent for a moment. I know it is big, but I digress from my post on motivation.

I'm not motivated by promises of books or self-indulging spa days. I can't promise myself things to motivate me toward weight loss. Instead, my motivation has to come from something bigger, something more hard core.

Cue my mom.

This past weekend, we went to visit her. She and I have always had similar body types. If you look at us, we carry all of our weight in the same places. A few years ago, the first time I did Jenny Craig, we did it together. She lost more weight than I did in the beginning. Then, my exercising paid off and I passed her. We both hovered in the 220 range for a while. When I got pregnant, she gave up JC at the same time I did. We both regained weight and it hasn't been pretty.

At her house this weekend, my twins planted flowers with her in the yard. I was in the house working on setting up her new computer. About 20 minutes into their time outside, I heard her call me. She was stuck. She had been working on the ground and when she went up on one knee to get up, she couldn't. She was stuck. She needed me to help her get up. It was at that moment, when I looked at my 59 year old mother unable to get up off the ground by herself that I found my motivation. If I am not careful, I could be in her shoes in just a few years.

My motivation: There is no way I am going to need help to get up off the floor. No way. No how.

My motivation is bigger than manicures or movies. My motivation is that I want to be mobile. I want to participate in life. I want to be outgoing and look forward to doing things outside of my home.

So, what do I do with this now?

I plan.

I plan to walk for at least 25 minutes tomorrow. I have my iPod ready, my tennis shoes ready, my clothes ready.

I can't wait!